


Off To Save You

by BananaManiaBubblegum



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dark, Demon!Dean, M/M, You-narrative but Castiel pov, pre-s11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 13:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5628691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BananaManiaBubblegum/pseuds/BananaManiaBubblegum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re in love, you realize, but he walked away to save you and your heart is gone with him, leaving only an empty pit in the middle of your chest that you know nothing will ever fill up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Off To Save You

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know what I'm doing.

It’s indisputable in the way only his smoldering look could make it so. That flash of something feral in his eyes makes your knees weak, your mouth dry. You try to gulp down the nervousness rising up in you but when he puts his hand on your shoulder in that familiar way, the deal is done and you are a goner.

It’s indisputable in the way only your readiness to do anything for him could make it so. You want to follow when he turns his back, oh, you’re burning up on the inside just to run after him, to follow him to the end of the world, to pull him back when he tips off it and hold him in your arms as he tries, again and again, whispering soft words of acceptance and love. You want to, but he told you to stay.

Oh, you could’ve argued that to hell and back, but somehow you don’t want to. It’s indisputable, he said so. Your legs aren’t working, anyway. He turns his back on you, then, facing his new direction. You want to say something again – you don’t want him where you can’t follow – but your body isn’t cooperating. It’s following his commands, not yours, that traitor. 

Him, his, you’re all his, you belong to him, body and soul, but he is also yours, you know, yours with every cell of his being right down to that cursed mark on his arm, the one that makes you nervous and jittery, the one that makes his eyes and soul to blacken. You know that’s what’s truly controlling you, controlling him, but you’re too lightheaded to care. You can only stare with sorrowful acceptance at his back as he goes where you can’t follow because he commanded it so, because this darkness within him is so all-consuming not even angel’s grace can light your way back.

He’s a monster, you know that. But you don’t care, not right now. You want him in your arms, you in his, tangled as close as possible so that you can feel the very warmth of his soul right through his skin. That soul may be broken and tattered, and blackened and worn, but it’s his and that’s all that matters to you.

And oh, he’s so far away now. You can feel the strength of his powers over you fading with every mile that piles between you, with every minute that you spend standing in stunned silence like a lamb for slaughter that he cruelly lured into this. He didn’t truly lure you in. He gave you outs, so many outs along the way but you never took them, never wanted to turn away and run for your life because he is your life.

Your body finally starts listening to you but you don’t know quite what to tell it. He’s gone, now, and you can probably search all you like but he’d be gone in the wind like the sweet melody of a song long forgotten. You feel dizzy, you feel sick. You fall to your knees and you feel like crying. 

You’re in love, you realize, but he walked away to save you and your heart is gone with him, leaving only an empty pit in the middle of your chest that you know nothing will ever fill up.

You remember his hands – calloused, rough hands, the hands of a hunter. He would touch your shoulder with so much care and affection you would often wonder what it would be like for him to touch the rest of you, for you to come undone under his careful ministrations.

You remember his eyes – two mischievous green gems whose twinkle died out with time and you could do nothing but watch sadly for as much as you wanted to tuck him away from the cruel world and save his beauty and love only for yourself, you couldn’t.

You remember his heart – big and loving, so beautiful when barren but so heavily entrenched behind cold barriers of self-doubt and insecurity. You only truly saw it once – when you pulled him out of hell, and you never got the chance again, for he always hid behind snarky replies.

Then, oddly enough, you remember his lips. You would often stare at his lips longingly when he spoke. You still did when spoke just hours ago before he left. Sometimes you imagined him using those lips on you, making you burn with desire, yet sometimes you imagined those lips forming the very words you want to hear.

Well, too late now. He’s gone. He’s a monster.

You weep.

Yet you know, at the end of the day, you’ll pick yourself up and start searching for him again. Because that’s love, bruised and beaten as it is. And when you find a way to get him back, because you will, it will be you who will gladly be picking up the pieces of him from all over creation if you must. And he’ll be whole again, maybe a bit more tattered than before, with the light in his eyes dimmed yet again, but he’ll be back.

And in the end, that’s all that matters.


End file.
